the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
