My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
