i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
