worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
