he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You are the jesus of drinking
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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