you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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