there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
