there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
