you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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