I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
