don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
