i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
