I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
