eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
