so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
