DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
