This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
