My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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