Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
