The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
