you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
