Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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