Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
