Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
