I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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