grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
