My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
