Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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