a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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