I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why do cheetos always look like penises
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
