I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
