good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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