I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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