8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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