she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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