OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
