i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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