this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
