I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
