I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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