i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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