she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
