No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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