Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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