Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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