He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
this boner is exhausting
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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