Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
