Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
