We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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