Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
