Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
