you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
