Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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